I want to depart from my usual bitching and moaning about governments to talk about something else that has been on my mind lately: the poor quality of the spam and phishing schemes that have been sent to me lately. It is really appalling. Just appalling.

For example, the following email came to me recently:

From:TD Canada Trust (host@server.com)

Dear TD Canada Trust account holder,

You are seeing this message because EasyWeb Security has detected suspicious activity on your account
and has temporarily suspended it as a security precaution.
This may be because your Rbc account was accessed from an unfamiliar computer or you have made changes.
You will be able to regain access to your account once you complete the automated security verification process.

To get started, please click on the following link:

Click here to go to the online form [actual link removed for obvious reasons]

TD Groud Financial Services Site – Copyright @ TD

So, let’s break this down:

From:TD Canada Trust (host@server.com)

host@server.com? What kind of an email address is that? A good scammer would use a domain name that at least somewhat resembles the name of the company they are mimicking.

Dear TD Canada Trust account holder

… We don’t even know your fucking name but we know that you’ve been compromised. Please. What ever happened to trying to decipher the person’s name from their email address?

You are seeing this message because EasyWeb Security has detected suspicious activity on your account and has temporarily suspended it as a security precaution.

It would be more plausible if TD Canada Trust security detected the breach. EasyWeb is just a feature of the TD Canada Trust website. Also: I can just try logging on to see if it really is suspended.

This may be because your Rbc account was accessed from an unfamiliar computer or you have made changes.

Rbc? Really??? THAT’S NOT EVEN THE SAME BANK!!! And how hard it is to hold down the “shift” key while typing the B and the C? Pathetic.

Also, what kind of changes? This is way too vague.

To get started, please click on the following link:
Click here to go to the online form

Online form? Am I filling out a survey?

TD Groud Financial Services Site – Copyright @ TD

Oh God. I just …  this is just terrible. Groud? Services Site? @? TD? What exactly is being copyrighted here? Gaaaa.

Yes, I know these are written by poorly paid kids overseas, but that’s no excuse. One high quality scam will reel in more victims than 100 pieces of trash like this. These guys need help.

This is why I am going to hire myself out as a spam consultant. My mission: to create professional and effective spam by employing best-of-breed phishing practices. My fee: a 10% cut of all revenues.

This is going to be great. I’ll make so much money! I can hardly wait to invest it in my Rbc account at TD Groud Financial Services.

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